Strange Yellow Food
by irite
Summary: Thor is introduced to a new Midgardian food at the dinner table. Attempt at crack.


**Wherein I attempt to write crack and miserably fail. But I have it on good authority that this is, at least, funny.**

**dysprositos, you rock my socks off. Thanks a ton for all the help and encouragement/laughter.**

* * *

The Avengers were assembled. For dinner, that is. Bruce had cooked and Steve helped him carry the plates out to the table, 'cause he's nice like that.

They're having barbeque with coleslaw and corn-on-the-cob on the side. Thor has what seems like half of a pig, and three corns on his plate, with a whole container of store-bought slaw on the side. Steve has about a quarter of the pig, two corns, and two generous scoops of slaw on his.

The remaining quarter of the pig is split among the other four plates. Tony's having a BBQ sandwich, just to be different. Bruce gets him like that.

Thor digs into the meat and slaw enthusiastically, but leaves the corn alone. When they are the only thing left on his plate, Clint calls him on it. "Thor, aren't you going to eat those, buddy?"

"I do not KNOW what they ARE, my FRIEND."

Tony sighs. Of course it's dramatic, this _is_ Tony Stark we're talking about, here.

It's Natasha who answers him. Don't ask her why, because she'll deny it with her last breath, but she enjoys mothering the boys. She's a nurturer, not needy for herself. "Thor, that's corn-on-the-cob. It's a common vegetable. Watch Clint eat it." Because everybody knows that eating corn is unattractive and Natasha is _not_ about to demean herself like that with everyone's attention on her.

Clint looks put-upon, but he dutifully picks up his corn and takes a bite.

"THAT is how you consume this STRANGE YELLOW FOOD?"

"Yes, Thor, it is. Inside voice, please." They had all learned the hard way that Thor doesn't like being commanded, and Natasha is _so_ not in the mood to be hammered through one of the walls like Tony was that one time. But that _had _been funny.

Ahem.

Anyway, Thor picks up a corn and takes an experimental bite. When he comes away with half of the cob still attached, Tony pulls a camera from his pocket and starts snapping away.

"Tony, we _know_ that irritates Thor. Stop it this instant," Steve bosses. He's the leader, after all.

Taking control of the situation, Bruce finally speaks up. Now that he knows Thor was not intentionally insulting his dinner (with Thor, you really don't ever know), he's perfectly happy to help instruct Thor on the finer points of corn consumption. "Thor, spit that out, please, you won't be able to eat it like that."

Thor does as he's told and looks at the scientist pleadingly.

"You have to line up your teeth with the edge of the corn cob. That's the harder part in the middle. Then you bite down, carefully. You only want to remove and eat the fleshy outer parts."

Thor nods, and picks up his second piece to try again. He doesn't do much better than the first attempt.

"You must just be too strong, Thor. Here," and Bruce reaches for a knife and Thor's third corn, scraping the kernels off onto Thor's plate. "Just use a fork or a spoon to eat that."

While Thor eats, Bruce scrapes the remaining bits off of Thor's first two corns onto the pile. Then he grabs his own corn and adds its kernels to Thor's plate.

Natasha notices him doing this and fixes him with a hard stare. He quavers under her gaze and heads for the kitchen. Yes, Natasha is _scary_.

She nods in approval when he returns with two corns on his plate and takes several bites of one at once (his table manners are not the best, but nobody has worse etiquette than Tony. Sure, the man can act properly when he wants to, but that's only out in public in the presence of cameras. At least they've gotten him to quit putting his feet on the table when there's food on it...).

Still chewing, Bruce scrapes the kernels from the second corn onto Thor's plate. Thor continues to eat in silence. It would be a lie to say that the whole team is not watching him with bated breath.

He finishes before Bruce does, and Bruce is still mid-chew when Thor hollers, "I LIKE THIS FOOD! I SHALL TAKE IT TO ASGARD AND SHARE IT!"

Bruce chokes. Tony slaps him on the back. Bruce glares at Tony. Tony glares back. This could take a while...

The mental picture of Bruce having to go scrape endless amounts of corn off the cob for hungry Asgardians overwhelms Clint, and he starts convulsing with laughter.

Natasha watches him until she's sure it isn't a seizure, and then asks Steve to bring in the dessert. Really, he is too self-sacrificing for his own good. The whole team takes ruthless advantage of him and the man _never_ seems to notice.

Dessert is good, ice cream and brownies, and thankfully Thor can eat it without any assistance.

The Avengers disassemble, Tony and Clint going to the kitchen on dish duty. Natasha sneaks off to the air vents to watch them (because they get into _so _much trouble when left unattended with bubbles around). Steve is taking people's dishes into the kitchen (selfless, much, Cap?). Bruce wanders into the living room, conversing with JARVIS and reading simultaneously ('cause he's smart like that). Thor still sits at the table, confused as to why exactly one simple statement caused so much calamity.

Eventually, he decides to worry about it later, and he pursues Bruce, "BRUCE! You MUST tell me about this 'CORN' and how I can TAKE it to ASGARD."

Bruce is tempted to just give him the canned stuff, but then he realizes that somebody (him, probably) would have to teach Thor how to operate the can-opener.

And that's its own kettle of worms. (Who cares about the mixed cliches here?)

Resigning himself to an immediate future of corn and knives and repeated scraping, Bruce is halfway tempted to Hulk-out. But Natasha said that didn't help his problems, it just prolonged them. And when Natasha tells you something, you listen. Or _bad_ things happen. Bruce is ninety-eight percent certain that Steve still has nightmares about that one time...

But that's a different story.

Bruce, shouldering the burden of his fate, sighs.

Thor beams, knowing that's a sign of acceptance.


End file.
